


Brendon Urie oneshots!

by IsabellaNJW



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:31:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6581095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabellaNJW/pseuds/IsabellaNJW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Already posted on Tumblr, here are my own ideas or some that were sent to me via social networking. </p><p>Hope you'll like them. xx</p><p>(My Tumblr account -> http://rockbandsfanfiction.tumblr.com)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Year is here

„So far, I like 2016.“, I smiled while looking at him. „I could get used to looking at your face every morning.“

His eyes were half-opened because he just woke up, but his bright smile lit up his face so much it was impossible for him to look bad.

„Me too.“, he pressed his soft lips against mine and I could feel him smile through the kiss.

„I don't feel any different though.“, I shrugged when we parted. „I'm simply aware of the fact that I'm going to end up doing the same shit I did the last year.“

He snickered. „You're so optimistic. And ambitious.“

I lightly punched him on the arm. „Shut up...“

His smile grew bigger, his flawless teeth showing. For a moment, I lost myself admiring him. My mind couldn't comprehend that such a wonderful man would be interested in me even the slightest. It wasn't just his looks, it was his good heart that also mattered. Because, it's easy to be with someone who's handsome, but in the end, the personality of that person makes you stay.

How did I hit this fucking jackpot?

I blinked a few times and brought myself back to the real world, away from my daydreams.

„What are _your_ New Year's resolutions anyway?“ I asked, assured that he won't be able to come up with a good answer.

He thought for a second. „To stay as awesome as I've been the year before this one. And the year before that one. And so on...“

A laugh escaped me and I rolled my eyes at him. „ _Right_.“

His lips curved into a smile yet again. Then, his strong arms wrapped even tighter around me, our bare bodies pressed together without any space left between us. We were covered only with the thin white bedsheets, but we weren't cold. Quite the opposite, his cheeks were bright pink and both of our hearts were racing.

„A little full of ourselves, aren't we mr. Urie?“ I teased.

I removed a strand of his dark hair away from his face and he just kept staring into my eyes, ignoring my comment. I bet that I looked horrible though. I was still sleepy because we went to bed late and I had plenty glasses of champagne, few of which were definitely too much. That was presumably apparent on my face today.

„You look gorgeous right now.“, he said, despite my own opinion.

I chuckled, shaking my head at him. „How can you always say all the right things?“

When I leaned in to kiss him, rather annoyingly, my phone buzzed loudly on the nightstand. I opened my eyes and frowned. Reaching my hand to grasp it and answer a message which probably just consisted of a New Year's good wishes, Brendon stopped me and with his hands on my waist, pulled me back on top of him.

„Don't answer it. It's not important.“, he growled.

I laughed slightly. „You're right.“

My gaze fixated on him again and I kissed him finally. He rolled on top of me and the mood suddenly switched, his lips already leaving marks on my neck. I put my arms around him and arched my back to bring us more closer. This made him breathe out an exhale of pleasure and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards. I wrapped my legs around him and kissed him.

Another buzz coming from the nightstand interrupted us.

I sighed, rather than moaned.

„Just ignore it.“, he kissed me eagerly and just like that, brought my attention back to him.

Before our lips could touch again, the phone buzzed, but it was _his_ phone this time. My head fell down on the pillow and I rolled my eyes.

„We never have our privacy.“, I groaned, but then couldn't help but laugh.

I was in too great of a mood to be upset by this.

He laughed along. Pressing our foreheads together, he grinned at me. „I can't believe even technology is cock-blocking me.“

I laughed even harder and then softly pushed him off me. I sat up and grabbed my phone. As quickly as possible, I answered all the messages while he still continued to ignore his phone, laying in the bed and watching me. When I finished, I turned my head to Brendon.

„So, who's making breakfast?“ I grinned.

„How about we finish what we started first?“ his tone got all seductive and low, making me hard to resist him.

„I have a better idea.“, I stated as he got closer and closer to me, with lust sparkling in his eyes.

In a second, I felt his warm breath against my skin and his hands already roaming all over my body. He sure as hell knew what to do in order to drive me completely crazy.

„Oh, yeah?“ he kissed my collarbone and then hummed, sending shivers down my spine.

„You make breakfast...“, it was really hard for me to concentrate on my words. „And I'll let you shower with me.“

He brought his head up higher so our eyes could meet and one of his eyebrows raised higher.

„Are you blackmailing me?“ he heightened his voice, trying to sound offended but failing miserably, because his face expression wasn't serious at all.

„Maybe I am.“, I flipped us over quickly and pinned him down to the bed. „Is it working yet?“

He bit his bottom lip. „A bit.“


	2. Play it for me

I was leaned on the doorframe of her blue-coloured bedroom, only a few big steps away from her. She was sitting in front of a grand piano which was positioned in the corner of the room, right by the large window. The window was closed, altough she always opened it on sunny days like this. It was closed shut now merely because of the fact she didn't want anyone to hear her practicing. It seemed silly to me, simply because she was the best pianist I personally knew and I reckon she could even do it professionally. Without any doubt whatsoever, she would be very successful at it. But, only on a rare occasion she would play for others and she would pick the songs she knew perfectly every single time.

I admired her talent, altough she wasn't even aware of its greatness.

It was impossible for me to avert my eyes from her slim body sitting straight up with pride, her fingers going over the keys swiftly and confidently. She was self-reliant only when she was alone and that bothered me, because she was modest in so many situations she should've been thrilled with her achivements. That's why I was afraid to move even a tiny bit; I didn't want to prevent her from playing since I loved listening and looking at her every time she did it. My muscles didn't budge, I was standing like I was frozen, completely locked up by her presence which had such an immense impact on me that I wasn't even blinking.

My mind was concentrated solely on her. Nothing else mattered at that point.

I managed to detect she was playing a second movement now, from one of her favorite compositions, the Moonlight Sonata. It was a rather cheerful part and I could see a small smile creeping onto her lips. I had to smile along, seeing her so happy, her cheeks flushed bright pink and her eyes sparkling from excitment. Her fingers flew over the white and black keys lightly now, picking up the pace. Her torso and arms swayed in the rhytm of the music, her dress wrinkling a bit with every motion. She was wearing that yellow dress which I liked so much. It wasn't that short, but you could see her long, beautiful legs and it fitted her flawlessly. It was joyful, so it matched her personality and her always grinning face.

My smile faded when I reminded myself how stupid this looked. I was acting like a complete creep, watching and fantasising about her. I was well aware of the fact she would never be mine, so why was I torturing myself?

Unintentionally, I exhaled a heavy sigh and the music suddenly stopped.

She turned around to look at me, her expression going from confused to pleased, quite fortunately for me.

„Ah.“, she breathed out, his shoulders dropping and her tension disappearing. „Hello, Brendon.“

I smiled at her. „Hi.“

Taking a few steps forward, I came closer to her and the piano. „Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. You were playing it remarkably.“

„Thank you.“, the corners of her mouth tilted even higher.

„Why don't you continue?“ I motioned on the piano. „Or play something else for me?“

„For you?“ she questioned, and the way she said it melted my heart.

I noticed the sheets of paper with different songs layed out on the piano and took the one which was scribbled in her handwriting. Just out of sheer curiosity. But, before I could look at it, she snatched it away from me.

„Uhm...“, she got distracted and nervously clinged the paper closer to her chest.

She blinked a few times. „This one's too personal...“

I nodded, but she opened her mouth slightly, like she wanted to explain it further.

„It's something that I wrote recently and it's not very good.“, she shook her head and stood up. „It needs some work, that is.“

„As a musician to another musician...“, I smiled broadly. „I could look at it and give my opinion.“

She chuckled. „I don't know...“

„Come on...“, I kept persuading her. „Play it for me. Please.“

Her big eyes gazed at me for a few moments, considering all the pros and cons.

„I can't resist that face of yours.“, she muttered out with a grin and sat down.

I was finally satisfied with myself and the progress I was making. Lately, I felt like I was coming closer to her, like we were getting to know each other more. It raised my hope and made me ignore the voice inside that kept reminding me that I'll never be able to have her.

She placed the sheet carefully on the music stand and her palms hovered above the keys for a moment before she put them down and started playing. She didn't look at the sheet once. She probably played this countless times, so she had it all in her head already, even if she said that she wrote this recently.

It was a soft, quiet sound at first, her fingers touched the keys so tenderly and with such emotion, that it instantly made everything around us stop. I was brought into her song and with all of my senses and with my complete attention I was focused on it. A crescendo was a nice touch, the dynamics changed and became louder and with that, the song itself intensified. Her fingers were moving faster now, the melody was still flowing effortlessly, but it was now complicating and _evolving_ , in a way. It was growing and becoming more and more vigorous. More resolute. It made my heart beat faster with every chord. I could see that she was tangled up in her own creation, completely lost in her making, with a light smile on her face. But, it wasn't really a happy one.

The ending was... Stormy and strong. There's no other way of explaining it. My view of the song changed so much from the beginning to the end of it. At first, I thought it would be a delicate and mild kind of music, but the finish felt like almost an angry and helpless sound.

It was tragically lovely.

The whole time I kept thinking how gorgeous she was and how amazing her own music sounded. It was powerful and required a lot of skill, but it also told a story.

It was unique. _Just like her._

She had her eyes closed for a moment after she finished, but then opened them, bringing us both to reality. Her eyes were fixated on my face now, waiting for my reaction.

 „Wow. That was...“, my eyes widened and my mouth fell agape. „Incredible.“

„I literally have no words.“, I added.

She blushed slightly and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. „Thanks.“

„It's like a complex story...“, I tried to find the right words to express what I was thinking, but nothing was good enough. „It's like a swirl of both wonderful and awful feelings, mixing together and... And creating this...“

I stopped in my explaining, not being able to finish because I didn't know how to. And it felt like I was rambling, while I was trying my best to explain how magnificent her song sounded.

„It's love.“, she put it all into a single word.

I was stunned. She keeps leaving me amazed the more I get to know her. Her face was joyful and content, but I could sense reluctance in her eyes.

„It's a fantastic sound for love.“, I admitted. „Describes it almost too perfectly.“

„Well, I'm familiar with the feeling.“, she sniggered.

„How come it's... Sad, in the end?“ I asked as she got up.

„Unrequited love can be like that.“, she was folding the sheets, but I could see her frown.

„I know. I've been feeling the same way lately.“

_What was I doing?!_

I guess I became to comfortable around her. Am I going mad?

She stopped to face me completely, her eyebrows raising. „Really? Who is she?“

My breath hitched.

 „You.“, I blurted out before thinking about the consequences.

I couldn't take it anymore. It was like I had no control over my body and most importantly, _my mouth_. But, I think I would eventually burst if I hadn't admitted this to her. In the same time, I felt unbelievably stupid, like I lacked common sense, but also brave and relieved that I finally managed to tell this out loud.

And this was the worst part.

Watching her face change into an expression I didn't quite knew what represented and waiting for her to say something. Anything. Will she laugh at me? Get angry? Or maybe she will run away? I couldn't possibly predict what will happen next. And these few seconds felt like an eternity, with my mind going wild and thinking about every option, including even the one where I would jump out of her window.

„Me?“ she said like she couldn't believe it's true.

„Yes.“, I took her hand in mine. „It's been you for a long time. Only you.“

Her sparkling eyes were staring back at me and she clearly didn't know how to react at this. Niether did I, to be honest.

„Since we're admitting stuff...“, she chuckled, her cheeks flushing red again. „This song...“

She took a big breath to steady her shaky voice. „It's written because of you.“

When my brain processed what she just said, I smiled widely.

„Me?“ I mimicked her and made her laugh.

„It's been you for a long time.“, she took a step towards me.

She leaned in and I could feel her warm breath tickling my skin. I quickly closed the gap between us and kissed her. All of a sudden, one of her arms was resting on the back of my neck and the other was in my hair, while mine were around her tiny waist. I've ached for this passionate kiss and it did not disappoint.

My heart was at peace at long last.

 


	3. I'm with the band (request)

The crowd was going wild, singing along, screaming and waving at us. They were jumping up and down, dancing... You could immediately see that they were having a blast. I will never understand how are they able to have so many energy throughout the whole show, despite all that time they waited for Panic! in front of the venue. I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead and neck, while Brendon was dripping, still running around and singing his heart out. Without his shirt on. It was an incredible sight, I had to admit. All of it.

I was exhausted, but I had no intention of stopping either. The sheer force of adrenaline was the only thing that was keeping me going right now. I danced and walked around as if we were still on the beginning of the show, my fingers moving swiftly over the strings of my black and white bass guitar.

And let me tell you, it was an awesome feeling standing there.

I can't exactly put my finger on it, but it was something so special about this night and this show. It was a mixture of this unique energy and love coming from the fans and the dedication of the band and the crew. It's like planets alligned to create this wonderful concert and gave me this wonderful feeling of pride.

Maybe I was overreacting. Okay, I _was_.

But, my excitment was so great that it was impossible for me to remove a huge smile from my face. It's the first time I played a song I made with Panic! and I can't even begin to describe how breathtaking it felt. We collaborated only a few weeks ago; I played bass for a song on their new album. We had such a great time together in the studio I never wanted it to end! Straight away, we got along and everyone were so hyped about this single. The fans and the media reacted very well to it. Actually, even better than we had hoped they would.

We were just finishing this song, with our last ounces of power.

The audience roared yet again as we came to the end of the song, and with that, finished our show tonight. Brendon looked at me and I shook my head in disbelief. I have never had so much fun whilst performing in all my life. He began thanking everyone, closing off the show. At the very end, he mentioned me again and thanked me as well, altough he introduced me right in the start already. I came a few steps forward and also thanked everyone for this terrific opportunity and for this night. The fans cheered more louder than ever as we got off the stage.

„That was fucking brilliant!“ I said as we were walking backstage.

„Wooo!“ I heard Brendon's scream behind me.

He jumped forward towards me, then walked by my side. „Yes it was!“

I chuckled as he was wiping off his face with a towel. He had the same amount of energy his fans did. We quickly got to our dressing room. I took a bottle of cold water from the fridge as everyone settled down and sat, tired as hell.

„I'm honestly not making this up...“, Dallon crashed on the couch. „But I think this was one of our best shows yet.“

The other lads nodded or hummed enthusiastically with agreement, not having strenght for anything else. I felt kinda drained too, only then I noticed how my legs and arms were aching.

„I gotta say... You were amazing up there.“, Kenneth turned to me. „That song killed it.“

„Thanks.“, I sat down last, gulping on my water. „I enjoyed it so much. Being with you guys on stage is an unbelieveable feeling.“

„The pleasure is all ours.“, Dallon responded with a grin.

„Oh, come on.“, Brendon threw an empty plastic bottle at him and missed. „You just like looking at her.“

Dallon laughed and lightly punched him in the arm. „Shut up. I really mean what I say.“

He turned to me again. „It would be phenomenal if we could have you perform with us all the time.“

„Maybe we can.“, a corner of Brendon's mouth tilted higher while he gazed at me and then his mouth spread into a big smile.

 

...

 

Few months later, I had the privilege to still be up on the stage with these guys and perform.

I've become a full-time Panic! at the Disco member and I couldn't be more happier. It was a rather spontaneous and sudden decision, but Panic! was kinda used to dealing with the fuss related to members being replaced, fired and things like that. This was a nice surprise when it came to band arrangment.

At least those were their words.

We hit it off so well in the start and after that we just became closer as friends and as a band. I couldn't believe that I was now the one who high-fived them all before going up on the stage playing my guitar and just having the best time. Their concerts are never boring.

The fans accepted me with their arms wide open. I think it stunned me the most how they liked the idea of having a woman in their favorite band. I was sceptical at first, thinking that they won't be so keen with the changes that have been made out of nowhere.

All in all, going from a fan to a member of the band itself - it's been a dream come true.

 


	4. You're beautiful (request)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was incredibly hard to write. Coming from a person who still has major self-conscious issues, I hope you all have someone to tell you you're pretty and amazing, that you indeed are enough and that you are loved. I hope you accept yourself no matter size you are and how your jeans fit, because altough you don't think this way - you are important. xx

It had been a long, rather tiresome day. A shower was not needed only because I wanted to wash myself, but also because I wanted to wipe away the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I haven't felt hunger for awhile, it was just that awful sense of inadequacy. Sadness. Exhaustion.

I can't even pinpoint it and explain precisely what it is.

I simply knew that I'm not able to get rid of it. Usually, a long, hot shower would help me clear my thoughts and brighten up my mood, but that stopped being a cure awhile ago. I think today was the first time in my life I blow-dried my hair without humming a tune or dancing to some music. I needed my peace now, altough the silence and tranquility of my house was overbearing.

Walking into my room to put some clothes on, wrapped only in a towel which I was clenching with my hands because I was chilly, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. At first I had no intention of stopping and looking at myself, I just kept on going until I reached my wardrobe and put on some underwear. But then, I came back and stood in front of it.

My eyebrows furrowed and my vision immediately got blurry. Even my head fell a bit, feeling ashamed despite the fact I was the only one who could see me right now.

I wasn't standing straight anymore, my shoulders dropped down and I even shuddered. I got mad at myself. And then I was miserable again. I couldn't stand the sight of me anymore. I was tired of my stomach curving out and I was sick of seeing my fat on all the places it wasn't supposed to be. The biggest problem were my legs, which were in round shape, instead of being thin and straight. The stretch marks only confirmed the extent of my flaws. My fingers grazed the skin lightly and I felt my cold palm against my leg. I grabbed the excess tissue and almost winced. Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to spill out.

I'll never be able to wear what I want and feel gorgeous. I'll never be able to pick a bikini that looks awesome and actually be satisfied with the way I look as I'm taking a walk on the beach. I'll never stop thinking about the way people look at me as I pass by them.

Suddenly, I broke. Completely fell apart.

I was weak, letting my tears roll down my cheek. I knew that. I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. Everything that's built up inside of me these past days, weeks... It was coming to the surface now and I had no strenght left in me to surpress it or prevent it in any way. My whimpers echoed through the hall and I felt like screaming. I was so helpless in my skin and so damn lonely. The headache then kicked in and I felt like something was clutching my heart and squeezing my chest. I was unable to breathe properly.

I collapsed on the floor and sat there, incapable of stopping myself from crying.

I was cold, but I wasn't shuddering because of that. My heart was breaking because of the icy sensation that filled me, making me wrap my hands around me to protect myself. I brought my knees closer and just kept sitting in the middle of the floor. I couldn't resist this, the feeling could only be described as a knife that's cutting its way through me, leaving me in pieces, causing an inner pain which was worse than a physical one. How could I even bring myself to put this into words? Others don't understand. My friends with their tiny waists and skinny legs wouldn't comprehend how serious this was to me. They couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that there indeed is _someone_ who can't feel comfortable with themselves, which leads to them having  crippling anxiety and depression.

All of a sudden, I was abruptly snapped out of my thinking, when the front door opened and closed. It made me jump up.

„I'm finally home!“ I heard Brendon's happy voice.

I rushed to my wardrobe and quickly started to put on more clothes, since I was still in my underwear. I hastily wiped away the tears on my cheeks. My whole body started shaking as I became more and more afraid of what will happen if he sees me like this.

His rushed steps were heard in the hallway now and I struggled with finding my sweatpants.

I figured I'm not gonna make it so I ran to the bedroom door and closed it before he got in. I was leaned against them as I heard him from outside.

„Babe? What's the matter?“

„Uh...“, I cleared my throat. „N-nothing! I'll be right out, just need to put on some clothes.“

„Okay.“, he sounded unsure.

I hurried to the wardrobe once again, but as I came in front of it, the wooden doors behind me opened and Brendon got in my room.

„Can you please wait outside?!“ I almost yelled in an annoyed, but shaky tone.

The tears were in my eyes again as I pulled my oversized shirt down, trying to cover up my thighs as much as possible.

„Are you sure you're alright?“ he was genuinely concered.

I couldn't respond. I didn't trust my voice right now, it would probably crack and I would start crying again. And before I muttered out an excuse, he turned me around to face him. And he saw my probably puffy face and my red eyes. The grip of his hands on my shoulders softened and his lip quivered. I started to tremble as he brought me closer to him and into a tight hug. He wrapped his strong arms around me and I cried into his shoulder.

It became too much; this feeling inside of me mixed with the ache of missing him.

„What happend?“ he asked, rubbing my back tenderly.

I shook my head and slipped out of his warm embrace. „Just a bad day, that's all...“

„No.“, he stopped me as I tried to go in the bathroom. „I know you on your bad days. This...“

He swallowed hard. „This is something bigger.“

He didn't let me go, but I couldn't look him in the eyes now. I didn't have the courage. It was mostly because I was too scared that he'll look at me and see me the way I see myself when I look in the mirror. That he'll start to notice my flaws more and more until he eventually becomes disgusted by me.

„Brendon, please let me go...“, I pleaded.

„Why are you so stubborn?“ he took me by my arms and made me sit on the bed. „I'm not going to give up until you talk to me. That's how relationships work. We discuss each other's problems and then we solve them. Together.“

Why did he chose me when he obviously has so many better options?

Why was he wasting his time _with me_ when he could have any woman he wants?

I was broken and I could not be mended, but yet he was always so patient with me. His concern was evident even at this moment, when he was clueless as to what the problem was. With his thumb, he raised my chin up so I could look at him, but I averted my eyes away from his face. I started to get a sick feeling again, seeing him sad about something that wasn't his responsibility.

„Why do you care about me?“ I whispered and sobbed.

I closed my eyes and turned my head away.

„How can you even ask that?“ he replied in the same tone.

„Easy. Look at me!“ I snapped, getting up from the bed. „I'm gross! I'm...“

The words hitched in my throat and my lungs were burning. I was starting to feel dizzy. I buried my face in my hands and turned around. Why did I say this? This wasn't _his_ problem! And I was dumping it all on him, like he was the one who had to deal with it!

I hated myself even more for making him feel this way. For seeing him so distressed.

He stood up slowly and carefully came towards me, hugging me from behind and planting a kiss on my cheek.

„I love you.“, Brendon said as gently as he could. „You hear that? I love you more than you can imagine. And you mean so much to me that I can't even describe how much it pains me to hear this from you.“

He took a big breath and turned me around like before. I still didn't look directly at him. „You are the most beautiful person in the world for me. Not only that, you are amazing, smart, honest, funny, nice and caring. No matter what you think about yourself. I simply can't understand how can you have such a twisted view of yourself.“

„Please don't give me this crap...“, I pushed him away slightly. „I've heard it numerous times before and learned not to trust it.“

Taking my hand in his, he lead me towards the mirror, ignoring my resistance.

„I'm going to show you... _Convince_ you that I'm being honest, like I've always been to you.“, he said and made me stand in front of the mirror.

A tear slipped down my cheek and I wiped it away angrily. Brendon was standing behind me, my trembling body touching his. He lovingly put his hands on my waist and kissed my cheek, closing his eyes, before speaking further.

„You're absolutely stunning. And you're perfect. Wanna know why?“

„Brendon...“, I cried out, mumbling. „Please, stop...“

„You're perfect because you're you.“, he said sincerely and with such dedication I almost started to believe him. Almost.

„People misinterpret that word...“, he scrunched his eyebrows.

He kept looking my reflection in the mirror and I couldn't feel more uneasy.

„A woman is perfect when she's being herself. She doesn't need to strive to be ultra skinny or have big boobs...“, he snickered and held me even closer. „You have to accept yourself and be as much as 'you' as you possibly can be. Because nobody can take that away from you and that sets you apart from everyone else.

Being unique. That makes you perfect, despite your flaws.“

It was so hard for me not to cry at his wonderful words. Because, why would he try this much if he truly didn't mean it?

A sparkle of hope tingled inside of me.

Brendon moved his hands slowly from my waist down to my thighs. He held them on my sides as he nuzzled his head in my neck.

„And I want you. And I'll love you.“, he kissed me passionately. „And I'll help you love yourself.“

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not taking requests on AO3. Sorry. xx


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